By Daina Deblette · www.dainadeblette.com · 4 min
October 31, 2024
People talk about self-love, but how do you actually get there? As a therapeutic counsellor, I often hear, “I don’t know how to love myself. What does that even mean?” It’s a powerful question because, in my view, self-love isn’t something we set out to achieve directly. It’s a state of being that grows as a result of intentional, aligned action—the beautiful byproduct of doing something just for you, something that springs from deep within.
Self-love isn’t a spa day, buying something cute, or chasing a quick dopamine fix. While a shopping spree or a self-care day can give us that temporary dopamine boost—a fleeting sense of pleasure—it doesn’t provide the lasting connection we crave. True self-love goes much deeper. It’s about engaging in something that brings a sense of fulfillment, pride, and integrity. While a quick dopamine hit makes us feel good in the moment, the long-term process of building self-trust and respect through meaningful action yields something more enduring.
Nurturing self-love is about creating. It’s about taking an idea that’s personal and bringing it to life, whether through art, writing, design, or crafting. It doesn’t have to be traditionally “creative”—it could be anything that allows you to express, experiment, and fully immerse yourself in the process. This act of creation might look like designing a room, sculpting clay, building something from scratch, finishing an heirloom project—anything that feels meaningful to you.
What would that look like for you? When you think of something you’ve always wanted to create or bring to life, what comes to mind? It doesn’t have to be grand or perfect—it just has to come from you. Take a moment to imagine how it might feel to engage in this act of creation, just for yourself.
It begins as a spark—an idea, a feeling, or a vision. You don’t need to wait until it’s “the right time” or until you feel “ready,” because honestly, waiting for readiness often keeps us standing still. As Les Brown said,
“The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered—all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry out their dream.”
When you start, even with the smallest step, something transformative happens. You see the power of that first decision, and with every step forward, you build self-trust. This trust accumulates with each action you take, creating a foundation of integrity between you and yourself. You’re showing your subconscious mind that you follow through—that you are someone who does what they say they will. This integrity is everything. It’s where self-trust begins, and as self-trust strengthens, it turns into self-respect.
And here’s where it becomes powerful: self-respect leads to self-love. Self-love grows naturally when we respect ourselves, our work, our follow-through, and the things we bring into the world. The action itself becomes proof to ourselves that we are capable, creative, and worthy. As Napoleon Hill wrote,
"Every achievement, every fortune, begins with an idea. But what transforms an idea into reality is a decision—a commitment to see it through.”
In other words, everything we see around us, everything meaningful, began as an idea. And if you have an idea, you already have what it takes to bring it to life. As Bob Proctor said, “If you can see it in your mind, you can hold it in your hand.”
So, take one step. Decide to start. Begin anywhere—no one begins perfect or with the finished result in sight. Begin with the idea, and remember your ABCs: Always Be Curious. When you explore with a beginner’s mind and genuine curiosity, you stay open to where the process takes you, allowing flow state to emerge more naturally. This openness connects you to the expansive, infinite potential of the universe. In contrast, being rigid or overly focused on the end result closes us off from this flow.
In this process of taking your imagination and turning it into reality, you’re creating more than an outcome—you’re building a pathway to self-love. It’s something everyone has access to, not a magical key only some people possess. It’s built within you. Self-love is created by action and commitment, one step at a time.
Don’t let fear or hesitation keep your potential locked inside. Start where you are, and choose to bring it to life. What’s one small step you can take today to honour your own creativity and self-trust? If you’re ready to dive deeper into your journey of self-love and creativity, reach out to learn more about my group coaching program launching January 2025—where we explore these pathways together and help you unlock your true potential.
I’ll leave you with these two profound questions from Bob Proctor that really helped me:
If I left tomorrow, what would I regret not having done?
What would I have been the most proud of?
What came up for you? I'd love to hear your thoughts. If you like this article share the love with a comment below and share it with someone who could use a boost. Do you have an idea or question you'd like me to write about? Send me a message!
About the Author:
Daina Deblette is a professional artist, teacher, therapeutic counsellor, and transformational coach living on Salt Spring Island, BC. She teaches art at her brick-and-mortar location, Ocean Art Studio, and online, and helps people return to their creativity and overcome creative blocks through 1:1 and group coaching. Visit www.dainadeblette.com to learn more or reach out directly at daina@dainadeblette.com.
Extra Resource Guide
If you’re feeling inspired to dive deeper into other creative ways of building self-love, here’s an extra resource: a simple journal list of self-discovery practices and a reflective prompt to guide you along the way. Each practice below helps build self-trust and opens pathways to inner growth, strengthening your relationship with yourself. If you like this be sure to bookmark it to easily find your way back.
Practicing Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a friend. Self-compassion means allowing room for mistakes, forgiving yourself, and acknowledging that imperfections are part of being human.
How can you treat yourself with kindness today?
Setting and Respecting Boundaries: Learning to say “no” to things that drain you or don’t align with your values is a powerful act of self-love. Setting boundaries protects your energy and strengthens self-respect.
Where do you need to protect your energy?
Prioritizing Health and Well-being: Engaging in daily practices that nurture your body, mind, and soul—such as balanced nutrition, exercise, rest, and activities that reduce stress—reinforces self-love through caring for yourself.
What is one small habit you can add or adjust for self-care?
Honouring Your Needs and Feelings: Tuning into what you genuinely need and feel rather than pushing them aside to meet others’ expectations is essential. Validating your own feelings can lead to deeper self-respect and love.
What’s one feeling you can make space to acknowledge fully?
Recognizing Your Accomplishments: Acknowledging both big and small wins helps build confidence and self-worth. Celebrate what you’ve achieved, even if it’s something simple—it affirms that your efforts are valuable.
What are three recent wins you can celebrate today?
Engaging in Self-Reflection and Personal Growth: Regularly assessing what matters to you, understanding your motivations, and engaging in personal development work can strengthen your self-concept and make room for growth, leading to self-love.
What are you feeling pulled to learn or read lately that you can say yes to?
Letting Go of Comparison: Comparison often disconnects us from ourselves. Shift focus inward—notice and value your own unique qualities and path rather than comparing yourself to others.
How can you focus your energy inward instead of looking outward?
Building Self-Trust: Honour your commitments to yourself, follow through on personal goals, and respect your own word. This builds inner trust, which is essential to loving who you are.
What commitment can you keep to yourself today?
Forgiving Yourself and Releasing Regret: Letting go of past mistakes or missed opportunities is essential to move forward with self-love. Learn from these experiences and practice self-forgiveness to clear the way for growth.
What are you’re carrying that you’re ready to release?
Spending Time in Nature or Solitude: Cultivating comfort in being alone, listening to your body, noticing your thoughts, and creating space for self-discovery can deepen self-awareness and appreciation.
How can you create space to be with yourself today?
Reflection
Imagine an act of creativity or self-expression you’ve always wanted to pursue. What would it feel like to start this journey with one small step? How might it help you connect with other aspects of your life and build a deeper sense of self-trust and love?
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